Christmas Card List

This year, I took someone off my Christmas card list.

I've done this before. It's not normally a big deal. Typically, I've just lost touch with that person and we've both moved on. Only once has it been due to a falling out and that falling out was actually over my Christmas card (this is a long and involved story. Don't ask).

Due to the global environment, my Christmas card list stayed basically the same from last year to this year. I didn't become close enough to anyone new to get their address for a card and I didn't lose touch with a lot of the people on it either. Apparently, my social life this year is stagnant. 

But, as I was going through the list, I came across the name of a woman who died right after Christmas last year. This woman was a friend of mine but the vast majority of our friendship was over Facebook. We both had dogs and would talk about getting them together for play dates. She introduced me to two television shows that I just love and we had a similar taste in books. We actually had met at Dragon-Con through a mutual friend we were both staying with. She usually would post on my Facebook when she got my Christmas card.

The post about her death hit my Facebook feed right as I left work one night. I still remember exactly how that felt. It was like a gut-punch mixed with absence mixed with regret. I cried when I got out to my car. She was too young and had so much left to give. It wasn't fair.

So, yesterday, as I went through my Christmas card list and saw her name, the same feelings came back in a rush. I stopped for a moment and stared at her name in silence. I remembered some of the times her posts made me smile and I thought back to Dragon-Con. But...I didn't take her name off the list right away. It seemed disloyal, like taking her name off the list would be a disconnection and I didn't want to disconnect. We may not have been close but she had an impact on me. 

Sadly, this isn't the first time I have had to do this. The first time was even harder as it was someone who had always been in my life and that I loved very, very much. I reflected on that moment, too, and how I had cried when I had finally taken her name off the list. I'm teary even thinking about it now and it's been a few years. I still send cards to her family as our families have always been close. I feel the urge to write her name on a card, almost like muscle memory, when I send them out, though..

I did remove my friend's name from the list after a few moments. It was hard to do as this was my last connection to her. I was finally able to do it because I knew I could never really forget her. I still think of her and say a small prayer when something reminds me of her. 

I honestly believe that both of these women made the world a better place. They may be gone from my Christmas card list but they are always in my heart.

NaNoWriMo 2020 Update and Thoughts on Writing

 

Writing is hard. I can understand why it takes some authors years to write a novel.

I am no where near where I should be with writing my novel this year. If I write 2,887 words a day through the end of the month, I just might make my goal.

Fun fact: This is actually the best I have ever done with NaNoWriMo. Every year I do it, I write a little more. Maybe by the time I'm 40, I'll have written a whole novel...

Anyway, there are a few things I let get in the way this year:

1) Work. This is the thing I let get in the way of a lot of things. I'm better than I used to be about it but I still have a long way to go.

2) I got sick. Just a mild sinus infection (not Covid) but between that and long hours at work, I have been so tired I've fallen asleep on the couch.

3) I lost my love for my novel.

This last point was weird. I started with a thought of what I wanted to write about and where I wanted it to go. That's usually how I start: An idea of what I the story I want to tell and a basic idea of characters. I've known writers who have done outlines and character sketches before they write but that has never worked for me. I have to just start writing and my characters will tell me about themselves and how they interact with the world as I write. It's kind of fun when it happens this way, like getting to know a new friend. There's also something a little bit more exciting about watching your story develop before your eyes. 

That last part may make me sound a bit crazy. Just trust me, it works better than me deciding exactly what's going to happen before I start typing the story. 

But I'm not sure I've written my story very well this time. I know the point is just to get it down on paper and then work the kinks out later but I just lost my mojo with it.

So what exactly happened? Well, I was writing a scene and I started realizing I was sympathizing more with the character I didn't like (you weren't supposed to like her) and less with the main character. To change it, I would have had to go back and re-write the entire chapter. This is doable but kind of an overwhelming task. Especially since it would have put me in negative word count for the day. So I put it away for awhile.

Then, with everything else going on, just the thought of going back and fixing it just soured me on it. "I'll do it later, when I've thought of something to do." "Not right now. I'm not in the right head space."

That brings us here, to the point where I have to write nearly 3,000 words a day just to get 50,000 words out for the month. Also an overwhelming task. (In case you are wondering, this post is only 531 words so far.)

But this is one of the reasons I have this blog. Writing things out and sharing with you helps me clear my head of clutter and decide what I really want to do. I think I'm going to try to persevere through the story. I think there might be a way to save it if I put my mind to it. After all, I won't know if I don't try. And if I really want to become a best-selling novelist, I have to actually write a novel.

NaNoWriMo 2020

 

It's November! That means it's time, once again, for NaNoWriMo!

I am possibly the most unprepared for NaNoWriMo that I have ever been this year. I don't have any idea what I'm writing and I'm not at all sure how to even begin.

In the past, I have found that if I have a basic idea of a story and I sit down and write it, the words just come. My blog posts often start this way as well. But I feel as if being trapped in my house for the better part of 2020 has stifled a bit of my creative flow. I haven't done much outside the boundaries of my house.

All of that said, I'm still going to give this a go. The absolute worst thing that happens if I go for it is that I write a first draft of my novel. The best thing that happens is that I achieve a dream and write the first draft of my best selling novel. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

I'll share my progress with you as I go. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. If you have any bits of encouragement to throw my way, I will gladly accept them.